The Cancer led me to the question:

What do I want most in this precious life?

My belief is that most people go on about their daily lives without giving much thought to the simple, but complex question: What do you want most in your life?

I did—that is until I was faced with the potentially terminal illness of breast cancer. It was not until then that I sat down with myself in quiet solitude, reflecting on my life from the past to the present day.  Unclear of my future, the immediate question that I asked myself was, “What do I want most in this precious life?”

We work to provide for ourselves and others with food on the table, a temperate and safe shelter, technological devices, a car to drive, funds for tithing or entertainment, and so on. Most adults get in the groove of this thing called life with all of its unexpected highs and lows, but we often fail to slow down enough to evaluate the who, what, when, where and why of our existence. That’s right.

What are we doing, with who and why?  When and where are we headed on this tidal wave of life?

^{Gulls on Driftwood, Port Townsend, WA. Photo ©Tish Litchfield, 2024.}

For years, I worked hard to buy material things like designer clothes, new cars, furniture, art and houses.  I was living the grind with a crazy commute over the Santa Cruz mountains to the Silicon Valley every day of the week.  My workdays averaged 12 hours and even longer with special events or board meetings. I observed endless trails of commuter cars and referred to the drivers as little mice traveling over the hill, back and forth each day, to earn their cheese. That is what we did.  It truly felt like a rat race with people performing unbelievable stunts in their vehicles from playing a saxophone to texting, typing on devices, brushing teeth, shaving, applying makeup, changing clothes, and yes, even having sex.  I saw it all over the years, either coming or going on the commute.

My awakening to slow my life down happened through my journey with breast cancer.

For others, more recently, I believe the Covid-19 pandemic changed the lives of many people who simply were forced to reevaluate their lives as they sat in their homes during the lockdown. The after-effects of the pandemic are proof that working people also asked the question, as I first did upon being diagnosed with The Cancer, “What is it that you want most in life?”

Interestingly for me, I realized that I did not desire more material possessions.  It was something intangible that I longed for when I was totally honest with myself. I wanted inner peace, nothing more and nothing less. I yearned for a state of tranquility and contentment, accepting myself as I am in mind, body and soul. I had been so caught up in my strong work ethic and busy living the hectic, Silicon Valley lifestyle that I had lost parts of myself in the shuffle.  There was no time for me. I was chasing crazy dreams for self-accomplishment in my education and career as I continually tried to prove my self-worth. My volunteer work filled most of my free time, leaving very little recreational time to relax and simply enjoy life. It was not a good situation for me as eventually, the stress took a toll, but The Cancer diagnosis changed all of that.

How could I reach a state of inner peace?  What did I need to do in this life?

My new quest, besides healing from The Cancer, was to find inner peace within myself.  This is what I wanted most in my life.  I began by taking more time for myself in pursuit of my aspiration to reach peace within.  I cut back on volunteer work and began saying no to additional work that was not mandatory.  I took meditation classes and music lessons to free my heart and fill my soul with newfound joy.  I made it a point to plan quality “me time” into my schedule, whether it was watching a movie, attending a play or music concert, relaxing with a good book, paddling an outrigger canoe, or meeting friends for coffee, lunch, or dinner.  My activities needed to be planned and on a calendar so that I would hold myself accountable and follow through with my self-care and maintenance of achieving a better balance between work and play.

Inner peace enhances our connectedness with Spirit, others and even nature.  When I am in a peaceful state, I have more room within my heart and soul to be open to exploring possibilities. Circumstances in life change because of planned or unexpected disruptions, but working to maintain a stable life balance enables my inner peace to remain.

It’s not uncommon for cancer survivors to do life inventories after being diagnosed.  I’ve found through my interactions with fellow survivors that we share one thing in common.  We tend to live our lives with deeper meaning and purpose because having cancer inspired us to ask questions and take the time to explore what is truly important to us in this life, for whatever life we have left.  What is it that we want most in this life?

I invite you to ask yourself that question. When the answer comes to you clearly, and it will, make room, be brave, and do something about it. I am here in my heart cheering you on!